Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Navy goes queer-friendly

History was made today at the navy pier in Portsmouth Virginia. Two gay gals shared the traditional first kiss on terra firma when the USS Oak Hill tied up at the wharf.

Navy spokeswoman Sylvia Landis confirmed that this was the first time a same-sex couple were granted the honor of the first kiss, although she quickly added that the Navy doesn't actually keep track of that sort of statistic.

"The Navy just treats it as a normal homecoming," she said.

Ya right.

Personally, I'm thinking the Navy is treating it like a major PR coup. Look at us! We're the new Navy! All you light-in-the-loafer types can join up without fear of harassment, bullying, or ostracism. So come on gay guys 'n gals, join the Navy!

There are good reasons for the olive branch to the gay community. Research shows that gay teens are more likely to be high achievers. Their reading, writing, and math scores are significantly ahead of those of their non-queer counterparts.

The Navy, just like all the services, gets more high-tech every year. They need a lot more of the highly literate over-achievers, and a lot less of the drooling puppy-killers who have been giving the services such a bad rep.

So take heart gay teens; the US Navy needs you. Sign up today.

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