Monday, February 19, 2018

Dastardly Ruskies caught doping again

I see where Russian gold medal curler Alex Krushelnitsky has been caught with doped up pee at the Olympics.


Doping in curling? Get the f@ck outta here!

Curling is the only Olympic sport that can be successfully played at the elite level while simultaneously quaffing a pint and smoking a ciggie. What kind of doping would give this Russian dope an edge?

Mind you, they're always shouting at each other to "go hard" with those brooms...

Are we talking about Viagra here?

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Could you ass-wipe your way to YouTube stardom?

I bet you could.

The media machine is hungry for content. Sure, in a few years AI is gonna be serving up way better shit than mere mortals can conjure up, but that's why we gotta strike while the iron is hot, so to speak, as it were.

I was thinking again about that lovely million dollar condo where you get the bird's eye view while doing that "thinker" thing.

You know, where you're sitting on the porcelain throne contemplating a crap and being totally in the moment and all that shit.

If you look at that picture you'll notice a couple of condo towers going up in the middle distance. That looks like a couple thousand units at least.

What's really fucked up is that those thousand million dollar condos all have a clear sight-line to your window seat.

That's a fact just crying out for its own YouTube channel.

The greatest American poet of the 20th century

Fuck Emerson and fuck Whitman...

The greatest American poet of the 20th century is Chuck Berry.

As is often the case with great poets, they have their foibles...

Drugs, booze, the entire spectrum of sexual perversion, and so forth.

But they're poets, for God's sake... let's cut them some slack!

Chuck Berry is without a doubt the greatest American poet of the 20th century.

Southern Trust and Greyhound Bus and kiss my ass, it never gets better than that.

Globe and Mail normalizing Trump

Seems to me the guardians of Canada's democracy at 351 King are letting their guard down. All through the first section, not a single headline with the name "Trump" in it. Nowhere in the Opinion section either. And not a single letter to the editor mentions Trump even in passing.

Let's hope they're over their obsession with Trumpian doggerel. It's nice to have my newspaper back.

Silly Philly demonstrated a new trick this morning on our trip to ransom the Saturday Globe from the Korean extortionist. Exiting the car via the window. I had just parked the car out at the water treatment plant to let the girls out for a romp, when she popped up outside my window. She'd let herself out. For some time she's been able to lower the back windows by standing her front paws on the arm rest, a trick the gals at the Timmies drive-thru window find really cute. Today was the first time she actually went out the window, though.

Then she did it again five minutes later, as we're driving by the marina on Bayview Street. That's not funny anymore! Luckily, there's not much traffic there in February, but after that I figured I'd best activate the child locks for the first time in many years. In another month her ass will be too big to fit out the window, but in the meantime we'll play it safe.

Another thing that's not funny any more is what screen addiction is doing to our society. The Opinion section features a lengthy discussion between psychiatrist Norman Doidge and Jim Balsille of "Crackberry" fame. Me and the Farm Manager have long been skeptical of all this supposed connectedness technology has gifted us.

We'll be sitting in a restaurant and there's entire families around us so connected that they completely ignore one another.

Mothers are pushing strollers down the street while texting.

Otherwise respectable people think nothing of giving iPads to their pre-schoolers.

Anyway, that alone is well worth the price of the paper.

Elsewhere, I found myself agreeing with both Saunders and Wente's opinion pieces. Not sure what's going on there... maybe those folks are finally coming to their senses?

Or maybe that's just another marker on the side of the Alzheimer Highway. Either way, it's boring to read stuff you agree with.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

At the end of the day

At the end of the day I'm sitting in front of the fire with an elbow on the haunches of one of the hounds, the one sharing the sofa with me at the moment.

Today is "Valentines Day."

That's the fake holiday manufactured by the manufacturers of mass market greeting cards, chocolates, and cut flowers from Colombia and Ethiopia.

Fake or not, you gotta give it some respect.

One year I thought I'd be perfectly honest, and I didn't get the Farm Manager a thing. No flowers, no chocolates, no nothing.

I told her I didn't want to buy into the commodification of sentimentality.

She was not impressed.

I never played that hand again.

At the end of the day, Valentine's Day, I'm sitting in front of the fire. I'd picked up a heart-shaped box of craft chocolates at Mill Creek Chocolates.

It was the least I could do.

Monday, February 12, 2018

What I want in my million dollar condo; floor to ceiling windows in the bathroom

Check it out.

This is one of several bathrooms in this lux condo, but for sure it's the one with the best views.

Yup, you can enjoy the view while taking a crap! You must admit, it don't get much better than that!

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Meanwhile back in Waco...

Yesterday marked day 1,000 since the infamous "Waco biker massacre." That was the brawl-come-gunfight carefully orchestrated by half a dozen law enforcement agencies in May of 2015.

Bikers are a handy foil for ambitious law enforcement types. I mean, they have "gangs" and tattoos and they ride loud motorcycles and they look scary, at least some of them. And they don't have a well-funded lobby group like Black Lives Matter looking out for their interests.

In other words, they're an easy target. The cops originally corralled 171 people; anyone in the vicinity of the Waco Twin Peaks restaurant who looked like a biker, including unfortunate folks who didn't have tattoos, motorcycles, or gang affiliations, and held them all on a million dollar bond.


In the immediate aftermath the media treated us to all sorts of fanciful speculation about the biker underworld declaring war on the Waco Police Department.

Yup, Bandidos were looting National Guard warehouses for rocket launchers was just one of the hysterical fake-news stories making the rounds.

And then, the story gradually disappeared. The million dollar bonds were reduced and reduced again. The attention span of Jane and Joe Public being what it is, we lost interest. I personally haven't gone out of my way for a Waco update for at least a year.

There's only one place to go for a Waco update; The Aging Rebel. I know nothing about the guy who runs that website, but I find it rings authentic. Here's where things stand almost three years after the event;

One thousand days after Reyna and other local authorities deliberately sought out to obstruct justice in Waco, there remain 45 unresolved civil cases with at least 148 individual complainants in various state and federal courts throughout Texas. There remain 27 unresolved asset forfeiture cases. There remain 171 unresolved criminal cases. Only in Waco in McLennan County in Texas could that be seen as something like justice.

Holy Moly! That's a long time to have these serious criminal charges hanging over their heads for those 171 defendants. Wonder how many jobs have been lost, marriages and families destroyed?

The ongoing cases will keep dozens of lawyers in new Cadillac Escalades for at least the next twenty years.

Only in America!